I’m thirsty, not stupid
I have no doubt that there are a few people who consider me a fool, and while I’d like to think they are wrong in that opinion, I fear some of them may be able to present fairly credible evidence to support their case. (I bought that Jack Johnson debut album—need I say more?)(I thought … Continue reading "I’m thirsty, not stupid"
Read MoreLunatic
“You’re too drunk to look at the moon!” She hurled this accusation nightly, rarely with any accuracy. I’ll give her Tuesday, sure, 10 minutes scanning the sky before I felt the rain drops. And Sunday, when I tried in vain to focus on the craters of the moon only to give up before she pointed … Continue reading "Lunatic"
Read MoreYou can’t judge a book by its cover (unless you’re an idiot)
Let’s pretend you knew nothing about, say, how to make a G chord, and I said, “Well, idiot, let me show you”. I bet you’d be pissed. Calling someone an idiot or a dummy is not only politically incorrect, and not only incredibly rude, but it’s by definition inaccurate. (If you actually met the dictionary … Continue reading "You can’t judge a book by its cover (unless you’re an idiot)"
Read MoreI thought it was trash night
I like yard sales. Often they aren’t worth the energy it takes to get out of the car, but I still clearly remember a variety of fabulous finds that makes the hope and anticipation worth the awkward walk up someone’s driveway to pass judgment on their belongings while they watch to see my reaction. (“Ooo, … Continue reading "I thought it was trash night"
Read MoreI heard the news today…oh boy
Several years ago I heard about a law suit (I recall it was in Colorado) brought by a citizen’s action group against the area’s local television networks, the crux of which was that the defendant stations would be required to either: Stop calling their news broadcasts “News”, or Actually report News The prosecution contended that, … Continue reading "I heard the news today…oh boy"
Read MoreAm I Blue?
One of the unspoken perks of parenting is that you get to rediscover toys under the guise of “looking into it for the baby.” Indeed, since my daughter Sage arrived a year ago, I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing the block sets, the amazing playfulness of Theo Geisel’s world of rhyme, and the Fisher-Price vintage cars … Continue reading "Am I Blue?"
Read MoreMe, Myself, and Ai-yi-yi
If the English Language was a hockey game, poor “myself” would be on the permanent disabled list. No word in the lexicon takes as brutal beating as that one, and that’s saying a lot considering all of the syntactical cross-checks being inflicted upon our vocabulary every day. Sadly, “myself” seems to be an innocent victim … Continue reading "Me, Myself, and Ai-yi-yi"
Read MoreOpen letter to a Powell’s customer
Yeah, you, the one who has such essential dialogues that you can’t be bothered to look up and recognize that you’re standing in the middle of a primary traffic aisle and blocking me and my stroller (and half a dozen other patrons) from passing. Now I realize that strollers are a contentious issue, and there … Continue reading "Open letter to a Powell’s customer"
Read MoreEdifice Madrigal (Song)
Back in 2003, I had the pleasure of being in a band called The Letter A with three of my favorite people on earth: Barry Anderson, Steve Davis, and Zeth Lundy. It was not your usual band — Zeth lived in LA, the rest of us were in Portland, so the songs were written by … Continue reading "Edifice Madrigal (Song)"
Read MoreSave, Doc Vaughn!
The empty red bags of Cheetos were now lined up perfectly, pressed flat with a clear Bic pen, each package aligned with the table edge and overlapping the last so that seen from above, it may have seemed like one large bag of Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Cheetos. My fingers had repeatedly dipped into each snack during consumption, so … Continue reading "Save, Doc Vaughn!"
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